How to Be in Control of Your Destiny

Do you feel stuck, limited or at the mercy of fate or predestination? Well your worries are over; there is an answer just for you!

The idea of Fate or some kind of pre-ordained destiny has been around for thousands of years in every culture. And there are clues as to what these concepts mean… “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, “whatever ye shall sow, so shall ye reap” (Bible), karmaWhat you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others” (Confucius), and even these days we have sayings like “What goes around comes around”.

With these ideas so ingrained in us humans, no wonder they hold so much sway. Whether a person believes in fate, or just that they are ‘at the mercy of events in the world’, they raise some interesting philosophical questions – and some very interesting real-world affects and responses! For the most part as I watch people and when I train and coach Neuro-Semantic NLP typical responses are;

  1. The Cruiser: “There’s nothing I can do so I’ll just go with the flow. Everything will be ok I guess” – This is optimistic but gives away control and responsibility. This kind of person is happy enough to just cruise through life, but never really achieves anything or makes much of an impact on the world or other people.
  2. The Loser: “There’s nothing I can do to change anything so why bother trying!” – This is pessimistic, these people rarely achieve anything. This kind of person is always complaining and blaming others. They refuses or are afraid of responsibility.
  3. The Victim: “What I do has an effect! Oh no…” (fill in the blank with a load of negative “what if’s?” and consequences). Again, pessimistic – This kind of person is often meek and scared of doing anything. They will not take risks or stretch their comfort zone. In the extreme they can develop conditions such as paranoia, OCD and social phobias.
  4. The Victor: “What I do has an effect! Wow, I can do anything! – And here is the mindset of someone who is aware of the control they have over their own destiny! They take full responsibility for their successes and their mistakes, they relish the thought of stretching their comfort zone. But even though they might have this amazing mindset – even some of these people still never do anything about it. They never actualise their fullest potential. Here’s the thing, it’s only those who think this way and take action that really live their dreams.

Talk to most people and they’ll fit somewhere within these general categories. Where do you fit? But none of these responses are from a point of understanding what this ‘karma’, ‘destiny’ or ‘fate’ thing actually is. Now because of the evolution of human beings (I won’t go into that here), whether you believe in the idea or not – it will have an effect! So what is it?

From a Neuro-Semantic angle to understand fate we look towards systems. To understand destiny we look at intentionality. Everything we do is a result of what we think and feel about the world, our lives and actions. Everything good you have right now is the result of all your previous experiences, choices and actions (both good and bad) – and it’s the same for all of the bad stuff you experience now.

Let’s break this down: Say I do something ‘bad’ to someone: They get upset/angry/resentful etc. in their thinking and feeling about me. They’ll probably say bad things to others about me (so others are systemically affected), or do/not do something to hurt/help me in the future (and this simplistic explanation doesn’t even take into account the whole idea of the power of intention/thought/quantum reality). The whole thing is ‘systemic’ or put simply – what goes around comes around.

But there’s more!… Given my upbringing in the society I live in (the wider, unconscious frames of acceptable/unacceptable behaviour), I will hold in my mind ideas about what is considered ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and so may have niggling feelings of insecurity or guilt about what I’ve done. I may unconsciously believe I don’t deserve to have nice things happen to me, so when things go wrong I focus on them and exaggerate them; I feel bad about me and may divert these feelings by blaming etc., so the whole thing becomes a negative self-fulfilling prophesy in my life – beliefs are ‘commands to the nervous system’. By the way, if this fundamental awareness of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ is missing in a person – the technical term is psychopath!

On the other hand… If I do something nice, kind or helpful; people say nice things to others about me, they are willing and happy to return the favour or help me out. But more importantly I feel good that I’ve helped someone, made them happy. I think of myself as a nice person. I feel empowered. I feel I’ve made a positive difference in the world. I feel I deserve good things in my life and so I focus on them – and all of this becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

It’s your choice, driven by your highest intentions. And whatever you choose, we know it’s systemic because we hear comments in life about such scenarios like, “well, it was bound to happen”…” we all saw that coming” etc. And these comments in turn feed the systemic nature of a person’s future ‘fate’.

On top of all of this we need to accept that stuff goes wrong just because we can’t be responsible for what other people think and do. And we need to have the resilience to carry on no matter what setbacks occur; to have the focus and inner strength to be in control of ourselves.

So what key elements do we notice are missing in those who are at the mercy of a negative fate, and that are present in those who direct their own destiny?

  • Personal power
  • Responsibility / ownership
  • The ability to take action, to make things real
  • Choice
  • Resilience
  • Self-acceptance
  • Intentionality
  • Focus

It’s no coincidence that the above list is precisely the content of the ‘Accessing Personal Genius’ training. talktoalan@optimum-mind.com if you’re interested in coming along. But be quick ‘spaces are limited’ as the saying goes, but in this case it’s actually true!

If you want coaching to take control of your destiny, to create your own karma and decide your own fate – contact me to find out how. Phone (+64) 03 942 2103; 021 260 5486 or talktoalan@optimum-mind.com and start unleashing your real potential!

So what’s your experience of karma or fate? When did you do something nice that came back to reward you? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

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